Shoulder sag or Fist pump?
In my “A Tale of Two Books” program, I will be pointing out some subtle and some not-so-subtle changes between the new edition and the original hard cover version of A Favor Returned. Here is one example and I will allow you to decide whether it is in the subtle or not-so-subtle category.
Ross Becker watches as the race car careens through a fence, carrying his father to what should be certain death. In the car next his dad’s, Al Stuart, idolized by Ross, glances over his shoulder at Ethan Becker’s car disappears through the fence and over a steep embankment.
The original: “. . . (Ross) would remember seeing Al Stuart’s shoulders sag as he glanced over to his right to watch the struggle between man and machine just as the car exploded through the fance.”
The revision: “. . . (Ross) would remember seeing Al Stuart’s right hand come off the wheel as he glanced over just in time to see number 21 disappear into the pines. His raised hand had closed into a fist.”
Is the picture different in the two versions? This scene takes place quite early in the book, before the reader ever begins to know these three characters. Interesting?
Thanks for thinking about it!